Not Everyone Is Your Friend

Yep. And it’s fine. It even plays in your favor.

Everyone is different. If you aim to please everyone, do so – you will have a ton of superficial relationships without any depth, because for every person you’re pleasing, you’re hiding away a part of yourself which you’re afraid they may not like.

If you want to build deep relationships, open up. Show people who you really are – and expect most of them to dislike you and disapprove of your opening up. 99 out of 100 people will not become good friends. Of course you can try to please them all and find the one with potential for a deep friendship, but you can also save yourself a lot of effort.

Radically being yourself serves as pre-selection. If someone dislikes you for that, you would have had great struggles to maintain a superficial relationship, at best. That’s a lot of effort saved: They won’t become your friends. No one who doesn’t tolerate every part of you will become your friend.

So open up and play the numbers game: If 1% of people will become good friends, you have to open up to a few hundred people to build a circle of good friends. That’s possible, but it requires you eject when someone disapproves of you instead of trying to please them. If it doesn’t work out right away, drop the relationship. Both sides gain an opportunity to find something they resonate with better.

Meet a lot of people, open up and don’t try to force it if things don’t work out between you. That’s the best approach for meeting deep friends. Embrace rejection as a means of filtering out people whom you wouldn’t get along with well anyway. Don’t be the guy who talks to nobody because he’s afraid people will reject him, and don’t be a people-pleaser.

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